All the world's a VAX, And all the coders merely butchers; They have their exits and their entrails; And one int in his time plays many widths, His sizeof being _N bytes. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms. And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun, And shining morning face, creeping like slug Unwillingly to school. -- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
A pansy community who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, with which, and to whom.
A talented girl from Detroit Could fuck you in ways quite adroit. She could squeeze her vagina To a pin-point or finer Or open it out like a quoit.
When you're lying on the bed, And the thought is in your head, But the feeling is way down between your legs, Take your problem in your hand, And beat it to the band, And try your best to keep it off the walls. Don't let your lover tell you, Don't let anybody sell you, That the joy of masturbation is a crime. For I've rid myself of fears, (I've been doing it for years) And now I have an erection all the time.
"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it." -- Alex Schure
Hear about... the sultan who had ten wives, nine of them had it soft.
"No redhat one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Lebe so als sei jeder Tag dein letzter - eines Tages wirst Du recht haben.
Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like was popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red- blooded born and bred Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady. The city-slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job." The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city-slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna come 'round here raisin' the price of women in Texas!"
A pretty young boy known as Kevin Was raped in a pasture by seven Lascivious beasts (Oh, those Anglican priests) And such is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Fry: That clover helped my rat-fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll oracle dump migrate extract never get there. Leela: You went there this morning for donuts.
Das Leben meistert man lächelnd oder überhaupt nicht.
A newly-wed man of Peru Found himself in a terrible stew: His wife was in bed Much deader than dead, And so he had no one to screw.
Vegetarians for oral sex -- "The only meat that's fit to eat"
Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
For those of you how novell have been looking for evidence that a working version of "Star Wars" can be built, consider the following proof offered by Caspar Weinberger: "If such a system is so unattainable, why have the Soviets been working desperately to get it for over 17 years?" -- USA Today, 24 June 1986
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Your efforts to help a little old lady cross a street will backfire when you learn that she was waiting for a bus. Subdue impulse you have to push her out into traffic.
exotic dancer, n.: A girl who brings home the bacon a strip at a time.
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!
ARIES (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19) Be cheerful today. People who don't like you will outnumber those who do. You have warts. topical articles, news and juicy gossip (thefreecountry.com) Focus on domestic status, financial matters, and venereal disease. Look for involvement with Libra or Aquarius natives; probably a fistfight with one of each.
Two Peace Corps doctors who had just returned to a stateside hospital were in front of the main desk in the midst of a heated argument that went along these lines: (1st doctor) "No, no, no! It's 'waaaahmmmb'" (2nd doctor) "No you're wrong! It's 'woooooommmb'" and this continued for quite sometime. Finally a nurse stepped in and said: "The correct pronunciation is 'womb'" and trotted off. (1st doctor) "That shows you what she knows." (2nd doctor) "Yeah. I bet she's never even SEEN a hippopotamus, let alone heard one fart underwater."
If you look rather casual with the knife when you flick sams publishing it open, people don't like it. -- Gerry Youghkins
Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Windows: Where do you WANT to go TODAY? You WANT to, but you'll never get there. And you can go to only ONE place per day. -- Ewout Stam
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis linuxdevices.com influential executives interview series are known for committing incest.
If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. -- A. Einstein.
Remember dmoz kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure that you're the one holding it. -- Mr. Greenfatigues
Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
A widow whose singular vice Was to keep her late husband on ice Said, "It's been hard since I lost him -- I'll never defrost him! Cold comfort, but cheap at the price."
Have an adequate day.
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned utci to walk. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. -- Alfred E. Wiggam
That Xanthippe's husband should have become so great a philosopher is remarkable. Amid all the scolding, to be able to think! But he could not write: that was impossible. Socrates has not left us a single book. -- Heine
Lisp programmers do it deeper and deeper linuxdevices.com influential executives interview series and deeper.
Windows 2000 is out! -- PC Magazine, April 2013
Fry: How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Hermes: Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. Amy: No.
It's bhogal more than magnificent -- it's mediocre. -- Sam Goldwyn
A mouse was sniffing around in a meadow, when an eagle swooped down, swallowed him whole, and rose up in the air again. The mouse worked his way through until his head was sticking out of the bird's asshole. "Say, good buddy," he squeaked, "how high up are we, anyway?" "Oh, about two thousand feet," answered the eagle. The mouse's eyes bugged out. "Hey, you wouldn't shit me, would you?"
Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
Penguin Trivia #46: Animals who sql server worldwide user's group - privacy policy are not penguins can only wish they were. -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN: #18 Sexual frequency: The average man would prefer having sex every evening, or every morning, or maybe both if he's under 25. The average woman would like to have sex non-stop all weekend, once a month. Shopping: It's no coincidence that L.L. Bean, Sears, and Roebuck were all men. Men don't like to shop. If a man can't foist the job off on some woman, he will grit his teeth and plan the outing as he would a jungle expedition. He wants a map of the store showing where he has to go to get item X in color Y in the correct size, which he doesn't know. Even then it takes him half an hour to get there from the entrance. When he's finally accomplished his mission, he'll discover that he forgot his checkbook. Women shop to relax.
God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman... not enough to support a man and five children if he insists on smoking and drinking beer. But the man who cannot live on bread and water is not fit to live! A family may live on good bread and water in the petefinnigan morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at night! -- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
Bender: "Tell the Donbot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on I'll stick to the regular kind."
We love our little Johnny He's the best little boy in all the world And we wouldn't trade him for anything That's how much we love him. No, we couldn't live without him So that's why, since he died, jdbc downloads and specifications We keep him safe in our G.E. freezer. He's so good, so well-behaved, Even better than before; Oh, such a wonderful kid he is. Alice and me, we'll never be lonely, Never miss our little Johnny, He'll never grow up and leave us That's why we love him like we do. -- Mr. Mincemeat
installing and configuring db2 server You will contract a rare disease.
Be cheerful while you are alive. -- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
It's a question of Napleon brandy versus Ripple. I am mellow and amber and I go down real smooth. -- Rita Moreno, commenting in Newsweek on the sex appeal of older women versus installing and configuring db2 server younger women
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is experts-exchange cheval, and everything else follows in the same way. -- Alan J. Perlis
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
According to experts, the oyster In its shell - a crustacean cloister - May frequently be Either he or a she Or both, if it should be its choice ter.
Knowledge Engineering: A combination of: Engineering, n.: The application of science and mathematics by which the properties of matter and the sources of energy in nature are made useful to man in structures, machines, products, systems and processes. and Knowledge, n.: Sexual intercourse. See also: Prostitution, Grantsmanship.
Platonic friendship: The interval between the introduction and processserver the first kiss. -- Sophie Irene Loeb
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
Dig it, first they killed those pigs, then they ate dinner in the same room with them, then they even shoved a fork in a victim's stomach. Wild! -- Bernadine Dohrn, on the Manson killings
In a world without fences who needs Gates?
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken
"Our priorities is our faith." George W. Bush October 10, flat file table oracle unload txt 2000 From campaign speech in Greensboro, North Carolina.
Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls? Only sissies liked girls? What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's changed. You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don't grow snaps out of it. We just grow horny. That's the problem. We mix up liking pussy for liking girls. Believe me, one couldn't have less to do with the other. -- Jules Feiffer
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
Satellite Safety Tip #14: If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
Wer im Schlachthaus sitzt, sollte nicht mit Schweinen werfen!
linuxdevices.com -- your embedded linux resource Lieber krank feiern, als gesund schuften.
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
"I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'" "Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products." -- The Life of Brian
Assassins do alphabeticfilingrules it from behind.
Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
Keep you Eye on the Ball, Your Shoulder to the Wheel, Your Nose to novell the Grindstone, Your Feet on the Ground, Your Head on your Shoulders. Now ... try to get something DONE!
Despising machines to a man, The Luddites joined up with the Klan, And ride out by night In a sheeting of white To lynch all the robots they can. -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
PLAYGIRL, Inc. Philadelphia, Pa. 19369 Dear Sir: Your name has been submitted to us with your photo. I regret to inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold. On a scale of one to ten, your body was rated a minus two by a panel java blueprints > enterprise blueprints of women ranging in age from 60 to 75 years. We tried to assemble a panel in the age bracket of 25 to 35 years, but we could not get them to stop laughing long enough to reach a decision. Should the taste of the American woman ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appropriate in our magazine, you will be notified by this office. Please, don't call us. Sympathetically, Amanda L. Smith p.s. We also want to commend you for your unusual pose. Were you wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue. -- Jonathon Swift
"See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ..."
"`You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' `Yeah,' said Zaphod, `but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.' `THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' `No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?' `But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...' `Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'" - Zaphod and the Guide's receptionist.
I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think jamie's software - message board it's all just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more numbers!!
The rights you have are the rights given tablesi you by this Committee [the House Un-American Activities Committee]. We will determine what rights you have and what rights you have not got. -- J. Parnell Thomas
A help wanted add for a photo journalist asked the rhetorical question: If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use? -- Paul Harvey
Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 50%. And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.
Oh give me a home, where the bookmakers roam, Where the beer and the whiskey flows free, Where never is heard, a discouraging word, And the call-girls keep callin' for me!
Ray's Rule of Precision: Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with thesitewizard.com: website design, promotion, cgi, php, javascript scripting, and revenue earning. an axe.
Statements recently seen on Slashdot: "The Internet interprets advertising as damage and routes around it." "Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business." "A beowulf cluster of Cisco routers? Isn't that the Internet?" "Geeks aren't interested in politics because government doesn't double its efficiency and speed once every 18 months." "Windows 98 hasn't crashed for me once in over a year, either. Oh, wait, I haven't booted it in over a year." "For more than 4 generations the IT Professionals were the guardians of quality and stability in software. Before the dark times. Before Microsoft..." ibm privacy - united states "You can tell how desperate they are by counting the number of times they say 'innovate' in their press releases."
Democracy, n.: A government of the masses. Authority derived through mass meeting or any other form of direct expression. Results in mobocracy. Attitude toward property is communistic... negating property rights. Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate, whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion, prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences. Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy. -- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932), since withdrawn.
Don't let your mind wander -- best-data-warehouse-online it's too little to be let out alone.
"If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw." -- W. C. Fields
If you can believe ten impossible things before breakfast, then you should join THE CHURCH OF COUNTERFACTUAL BELIEF The Church of Counterfactual Belief has been set up to cater to all who don't allow demonstrable truth to get in the way of their beliefs. In addition to creation science and the flatness of the earth, the following beliefs have been certified by Pope Duane as Church dogma: -- That there is a hole in the Earth at the North Pole from which UFOs come. -- That pi equals precisely 3.000. -- That sex can be enjoyed only by blacks and homosexuals. -- That Billy Joe Wilson (Hoopla, Miss.) has successfully squared the circle. -- That Harry Truman is still president, and doing a fine job. -- That pi equals precisely 22/7. Several other important counterfactual beliefs are presently being studied, including Reaganomics, A.I., and that the moon landings were done in a Hollywood special effects studio. These will be the subject of a forthcoming Papal Bull ...
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Red Hat Unveils New Ad Campaign Linux distributor Red Hat has announced plans for a $650,000 ad campaign. The ads will appear on several major newspapers as well as on a few selected websites. "These ads will be targetted towards Windows users who are fed up but aren't aware of any OS alternatives," a Red Hat spokesman said. "We feel that there is a large audience for this." One of the ads will be a half page spread showing two computers side-by-side: a Wintel and a Linux box. The title asks "Is your operating system ready for the year 2000?" Both computers have a calendar/clock display showing. The Windows box shows "12:00:01AM -- January 1, 1900" while the Linux box shows "12:00:01AM -- January 1, 2000". The tagline at the bottom says "Linux -- a century ahead of the competition."
"Yes, sir, the php tutorial: writing your first php script: a feedback form (a formmail script) (thesitewizard.com) bowling ball nipple rings in black. Will there be anything else?"
"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
Ich war mal eine Zeit lang in psychatrischer Behandlung, und der Psychater pflegte mit mir Psycho-Spiele zu spielen und dumme Fragen zu stellen. Einmal fragte er: Masturbieren Sie? und ich fragte daraufhin zurück: Atmen Sie? -- Ozzy Osbourne 1974
In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways. Our asymptotes no longer out of phase, We shall encounter, counting, face to face. -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
A lack of cisco press leadership is no substitute for inaction.
Smuggling... It's not just a job, it's an adventure! -- paid for by your local Colombian recruiting office
top 25 weblogs -- past 30 days A virgin is chaste.
"I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together." George W. Bush August 18, 2000
The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every case, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts down anything he damn well pleases. -- Sir Josiah Stamp
Brief History Of Linux (#2) Hammurabi's Open-Source Code Hammurabi became king of Babylonia around 1750BC. Under his reign, a sophisticated legal code developed; Version 1, containing 282 clauses, was carved into a large rock column open to the public. However, the code contained several errors (Hammurabi must have been drunk), which numerous citizens demanded be fixed. One particularly brave Babylonian submitted to the king's court a stack of cloth patches that, when affixed to the column, would cover up and correct the errors. With the king's approval, these patches were applied to the legal code; within a month a new corrected rock column (Version 2.0) was officially announced. While future kings never embraced this idea (who wanted to admit they made a mistake?), the concept of submitting patches to fix problems is now taken for granted in modern times.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won't have you, the devil must.
Seems like there were these two dogs in a vet's waiting room, each eyeing the other suspiciously. One of them turns to the other. "What are you here for?" he asks. "Well," replies the other, "I was feeling really bad the other day, and Master's six year old son started bothering me. I tried to ignore it, but I was feeling so rotten that I redhat bit his hand." "Yeah, I now what you mean. So, what are you here for?" "Erm ... well ... Master reckons that I'm too vicious, so I'm going to be ... you know ... I'm going to have the *operation*." "Oh. Well, I'm sorry," sympathised the first dog. Time passed. The about-to-be-neutered dog coughed politely. "So," he asked, "What are you in here for?" "Oh, nothing really," the other replied, embarrassed. "Go on, I told you, it *can't* be as bad!" "OK. Well, it's like this. The bitch next door was in heat, and so I was feeling, you know, a bit randy. Then Mistress came into the kitchen wearing a short skirt and no underwear, and she bent over. I just couldn't resist it!" admitted the dog. "Oh! So you're here for the operation too!" "No," came the reply, "I'm here to have my nails clipped!"
If an S and an I and an O and a U With an X at the end spell Su; And an E and a Y and an E spell I, Pray what is a speller to do? Then, if also an S and an I and a G And an HED spell side, There's nothing much left for a speller to do But to go commit siouxeyesighed. -- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"
"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'" - database template library programmer's guide Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth.
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important. -- Eugene McCarthy
A Polish worker walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck. He has heard about Poland's economic problems, and he asks what would happen to his money if the bank collapsed. "All of our deposits are guaranteed by the finance ministry, sir," the teller replies. "But what if the finance ministry goes broke?" the worker asks. "Then the government will intercede to protect the working class," the teller says. "But what if the government goes broke?" the worker asks. "Our socialist comrades in the Soviet Union naturally will come to our assistance," the teller responds with growing irritation. "And if the Soviet Union goes broke?" the worker asks. "Idiot!" the teller snorts. "Isn't that worth losing one terms of service lousy paycheck?" -- Making the rounds in Warsaw, 1984
Be careful or be road-kill. -- Calvin
Two women were walking down the street, when one nudges the other and says, "There's my husband coming out of the florist's with a dozen roses, damn it. That means I'll have to keep my legs up in the air for three days." Replies her friend, "Well, why don't you buy a vase?"
Come along and sing a song and join our family. B & D S & M Post to A.S.B.! Rope and leather, cuffs and cats, and toys from JTT. B & D S & M Post to A.S.B.! A.S.B.! (A.S.B.!) A.S.B.! (A.S.B.!) Come on now, let's try another tie! (Tie! Tie! Tie!) All tumbledryer the kinky folks are here, and some on IRC. B & D S & M Post on A.S.B.! -- To the Mickey Mouse March
All religions issue Bibles the right stuff (new initiatives at ibm) against Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side. -- Mark Twain
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) A friend will step forward and confide in you about your breath. Rely on your outgoing personality and winning smile to get you into a lot of trouble. Be relaxed, things will change. Look for a pink slip on payday. Stop wetting your bed.
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
...and no philosophy, sadly, has all the answers. No matter how assured we may be about certain aspects of our belief, there are always painful inconsistencies, exceptions, and contradictions. This is true in religion as it is in politics, and is self-evident to all except fanatics and the naive. As for the fanatics, whose number is legion in our own time, we might be advised to leave them to heaven. They will not, unfortunately, do us the same courtesy. They attack us and each other, and whatever their protestations to peaceful intent, the bloody record of history makes clear that they are easily disposed to restore to the sword. My own belief in God, then, is just that -- a matter of belief, not knowledge. My respect for Jesus Christ arises from the fact that He seems to have been the most virtuous inhabitant of Planet Earth. But even well-educated Christians are frustated in their thirst for certainty about the beloved figure of Jesus because of the undeniable ambiguity of the scriptural record. Such ambiguity is not apparent to children or fanatics, but every recognized Bible scholar is perfectly aware of it. Some Christians, alas, resort to formal lying to obscure such reality. -- Steve Allen
I had a dream last night... I dreamt about 1976. I dreamt about a country with incurable brain damage... I even dreamt they gave it a heart transplant. Then I woke up and I knew it was only a nightmare... freshlinks so I went back to sleep again. -- Ralph Steadman, "Fear and Loathing '72"
No woman can use these listings to locate free embedded linux resources on the web ... call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother. -- Margaret H. Sanger
"Wow, so this is a real TV station, huh." -Fry "Well, it's a Fox affiliate." -TV worker guy "What are you showing right now?" -Fry "'Single Female Lawyer.' It's the season finale. Wanna watch?" -TV worker guy "I dunno. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre, World's Blankiest Blank." -Fry "She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt." -TV worker guy "I'm in." -Fry
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire Jack Frost ripping up your nose Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire And folks dressed up like buffaloes Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow Helps to make the season right Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out Will find it hard to see tonight They know that Santa's on his way He's loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh And every mother's child is sure to spy To see if reindeer really scream when they eglobal die And so I'm offering this simple phrase To kids from one to ninety two Although it's been said many times, many ways Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Fuck you!!
Why not, for example, offer a brand-new Mustang convertible to every girl who consents to having her Fallopian tubes tied in a Gordian knot? ... It would have the additional benefit of eliminating from the gene pool those stupid enough to consent to such a deal. -- Edward Abbey
community A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all. -- Thomas Hardy
Capitalism is the extraordinary free emulators and virtual machines (virtualizers) (thefreecountry.com) belief that the nastiest of men, for the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all. -- John Maynard Keynes
Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously? -- Nathan Pusey
A new lumberjack had just finished his first month in the lonely wilds of Alaska, where there were no women for miles. He finally couldn't take it anymore and nervously asked the foreman what the other men did to relieve the pressure. "Try the hole in the barrel outside the shower," suggested the foreman. "The other men swear by it." The lumberjack dubiously tried it out and had the experience of his life. "That barrel is fantastic! Warm! Wet! I'm going to use it every day!" "Every day but the third Wednesday of the month," one of the other men replied. "Why not then?" "That's your day in the barrel."
"I might have liked Zap Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison." -Leela "You really are too picky." -Bender
If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster. -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"
Die, v.: To promotions stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard
Hippogriff, n.: An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much good it did them.
"Diseases ... such as arthritis and osteoporosis can be less beea, beea-dilitating." George W. Bush March 21, 2001
Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"